Thou shan’t verbally abuse thy neighbor
The facts about verbal abuse
Verbal abuse is versatile. All of us aren’t immune from verbal abuse. One way or another everyone has experienced it. Verbal abuse tactics are the easiest way to implement domestic abuse without the victim noticing. Verbal abuse negatively affects the victim’s thoughts and emotions. You cannot see this abuse and, of course, it has no visible effects unless it continues for a long time. Verbal abuse uses deception and runs the gamut from loving words to hateful ones. Verbal abuse attacks are as punishing to the victim’s psyche.
- VERBAL ABUSE BIBLE VERSES
- Matthew 12:36-37 – I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
- TITUS 3:10 – As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,
- psalm 34:18 -The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
- Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
- 1Peter 5:8 – Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
- Proverbs 18:21 -Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
- Galatians 6:1 – Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
What Verbal abuse does to people
- Verbal abuse is an attack on the mind that can affect an individual negatively.
- It leads to depression
- It leads to low self esteem
- It controls behaviors, thoughts & feelings by manipulation
Common Signs of Verbal Abuse
1. Being called names. Any negative form of name calling is unacceptable. If you feel that it is a put-down, then it most likely is. There are names that are obvious and, without question abusive. Then there are the covert, veiled attempts to put a someone down that are harder to identify. Verbal abusers love to use constructive criticism to beat a victim down. If your abuser is constantly criticizing you, “for your own good,” be careful. This is the most insidious form of verbal abuse.
3. Yelling, swearing and screaming. This is called the “walking on eggs shells” syndrome because you are living with someone who goes verbally ballistic for very little cause. Did one of the kids leave a toy in the middle of the floor? Get ready for world war III and accusations of what a bad mother you are and how inept you are at keeping a clean house.
4. Using threats to intimidate. No threat should be taken lightly, even if your abuser tells you they are only joking, especially if it causes you to change behaviors or to feel on guard in the relationship. The verbal abuser wants to cause feelings of fear in you. There is no better way to manipulate someone than causing fear!
5. Blaming the victim. Your abuser blows his/her top and then blames you for their actions and behavior. If you were only perfect they wouldn’t lose control! Did she lose her job for constantly being late to work? You can bet she will find a way to blame you.
6. Your feelings are dismissed. An abuser refuses to discuss issues that upset you. They avoid discussion of any topic where they might have to take responsibility for their actions or words. Don’t expect an Abuser to take responsibility or show concern for how rejection causes you to feel.
7. You often wonder why you feel so bad. You bury your feelings and work so hard at keeping the peace that every day becomes an emotional chore.
You feel depressed and have even wondered if you are crazy.
You are turning your stress inward and punishing yourself for an abuser’s bad behavior. When it gets to this point, you are working in tandem with the verbal abuser. Isn’t it time to get help or, get out?
8. Manipulating your actions. The persistent and intense use of threatening words to get you to do something or act in a way you find uncomfortable. This form of verbal abuse is common . If the abuser wants to control a situation he/she will say whatever it takes to play on your emotions. All in an attempt to get you to comply with their desires, regardless of what is best for you as an individual.
9. Your self-esteem is in the gutter. The verbal abuser wants you to doubt yourself, your ability to make decisions and your own opinion.
Living with someone who criticizes you at every turn can do a number on your self-esteem.
10. You feel like you are walking on eggshells. Everything you do and say is never good enough for your abuser. You don’t have feelings of safety and security if the abuser is around and you feel the need to guard every word that comes out of your mouth.
Why abusers abuse others
- Verbally abusive men and women abuse because they were abused as children and unconsciously turned off their ability to feel emotional pain within themselves and for others. Their lack of empathy for their victim’s pain allows them to continue abusing without caring one bit about how their victim feels.
- An abuser could have a brain injury or suffered a stroke. Either of which could cause anger, aggression or violence. However, if this were the case, they would exhibit violent tendencies from the beginning of a relationship. They could not consciously woo their victims initially and then switch to violent behavior when convenient; as abusive people do.
- It is a learned behavior. Abusers verbally abuse because they’ve learned somewhere along the course of their lives that coercion and control work to their benefit. Mental illness and addictions may come out as excuses for verbally abusive men and women’s bad behavior, but should not relieve them from the responsibility of it.